I haven’t posted in quite some time. During this lapse, I celebrated several birthdays including my own, said goodbye (for now) to a beautiful person and dear friend, lost a much-loved pet, helped to plan a Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party for my best friend, shared the holidays with my family, began attending a behavioral health program, played in a hand-bell performance at my church, and watched with joy as my best friend said “I do,” to name a few.
There have definitely been some ups and downs.
But I feel like that is what God is trying to teach me. No matter what happens in my life – whether it be good or bad – He is there, and He is loving, and He is sovereign. And He is using my circumstances to mold and shape me so that I can fulfill His plans for my life.
Today as I was driving home from a difficult psychiatrist appointment, the Lord spoke to me through several songs: “Just Be Held,” by Casting Crowns, “Come As You Are,” by Crowder, and “Help Me Find It,” by Sidewalk Prophets. I felt like God was saying to me:
“Crystal, you’ve got to let go. Stop trying to control everything. Stop trying to be perfect. Stop trying to please everyone. Come to me just the way you are – weaknesses, sins, brokenness and all. Look to Me. Rely on Me. Trust Me. I am your Father, and I love you. Life will not be easy, but I will guide you as you move forward in faith.”
And that’s what I want to do.
I will most likely stumble and fall…but I trust that I will keep getting back up by God’s grace. And keep moving forward.
I want to let go – moment by moment…and fall into the arms of the God who will never let go of me.
The featured picture is a shot that I took with my phone when I arrived home from my Dr.’s appointment today. In the photo it looks like the sun, but it’s actually a tiny slice of a rainbow (there were numerous colors). This was another reminder that God sees me, sees where I am and what I’m struggling with. And that with Him, there is hope.