Nothing is ever easy. I’m learning that more and more as I travel through life. And it gets quite depressing. But I’m also learning that even though nothing comes easily in life, the things that are important to me are worth the effort.
The past few days have been difficult. I’m not doing well on my medication…it’s causing my depression and anxiety to worsen, and I am much less stable. I had to ask my Mom to come up to visit me yesterday to help get me out of the rut that I was in. And she did, and it helped. But I have to wait until the end of March to see a new doctor who will hopefully help me get my medications back on track.
There have been other situations that have caused anxiety, as well. Finances, along with the duties of everyday life and taking care of a home (and not having the energy whatsoever to do so) have been discouraging. But I have tried to keep close to God…and I think that has been the only thing that has gotten me through.
It’s strange, though. Yesterday I was so angry at Him…I just didn’t understand why things were the way that they were. I took time to read the Bible and also a devotional, but I found myself yelling at God in my mind and throwing His promises back at Him, thinking, “This isn’t true in my life right now,” or “You promised this, but You didn’t follow through with it.” I must say, I still don’t know the answers to why certain things in my life are the way they are right now (mostly regarding my health), and maybe I never will. But one thing I DO know is that no matter how difficult things have gotten in the past, God has always carried me through. And I must have faith that He will do the same in this situation.
I’d like to share with you the devotional that I referred to. Yesterday I read it in anger, and today I re-read it in desperation. This time I found comfort in it–in Him. I hope that it is an encouragement to you.
I magnify You, O Lord, I exalt Your name, for You are great and highly to be praised. I praise You for the glorious splendor of Your majesty and the power of Your awe-inspiring acts. Your power is unlimited…absolute…beyond imagining. You are able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or dream of. “There is nothing too hard for You.” Who is like You, “majestic in holiness, awesome in praises, working wonders”?
O Lord Most High, You rule over the heavens and the earth, for You made all things by Your great power, and You keep them existing and working by Your mighty Word. You are exalted high above every star and galaxy in the entire cosmos…yet You are also “the God of all mankind,” the great, personally present, personally involved God who loves, rescues, and takes care of all who trust You. You exercise Your gracious authority over all nations – and over each individual in all the world. There is none like You, the true God, the living God, the everlasting King.
I praise You for Your sovereignty over the broad events of my life and over the details. With You, nothing is accidental, nothing is incidental, and no experience is wasted. You hold in Your own power my breath of life and all my destiny. And every trial that You allow to happen is a platform on which You reveal Yourself, showing Your love and power, both to me and to others looking on. Thank You that I can move into the future non-defensively, with hands outstretched to whatever lies ahead, for You hold the future and You will always be with me, even to my old age…and through all eternity.
~ 31 Days of Praise, by Ruth and Warren Myers
As I said, I don’t know all of the answers…but I know that I must keep going. And thankfully, I have the support of my God, my family, and my friends. There is some purpose in all of it…and I will see that purpose when the time is right – even if that means I must wait until heaven for it to be revealed.
Photo Credit: Lee Scott